The curtains, drawn in anticipation of a new pope, were lowered and a Cardinal emerged. The celebratory crowd, loud as the bells, and louder still, fell silent.

“HABEMUS PAPAM!!!” An explosion of jubilation. “We have a pope!!!!” The crowd could not be contained. What was once a wave was now a spa of uncontrollable excitement. Pure joy.

But who was he? Who was the new pope? What is his name???

“Josephum”—Josephum? The pope’s name is Joseph? Pope Joseph? That’s cool!—Father of the Church in the truest sense, I like that.

Wait, that’s not it.

“Josephum…. Cardinal… Ratzinger.”

CARDINAL RATZINGER!!!! Again, years of vocabulary in high school left me: “AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! IT’S RATZINGER!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!”